The fingers of fear and doubt tickle your brain and tie knots in your guts. Do you fight through it or do you wallow in the pain and confusion they are creating?
As a child I was told "you can be anything you want to be". And I believed it. As an adult, however, I have been hit with a plethora of not quite so positive statements. "You're pathetic, lazy, selfish, not very bright. You waddle because of your weight gain, the pity party's getting old, everything is your fault. Your kids are not the sharpest knives in the drawer are they? Your feelings are not important." Since these statements seem to be coming at me at an increasing rate any residual confidence I once possessed, left over from that optimistic child I use to be, is diminished to the point of becoming nonexistant.
Fighting through the haze of self-doubt, self-depreciation, and a chemical imbalance strong enough to render me catatonic for weeks on end, can be a full-time (though nonpaying) job. Since I was first given the option to "be anything I want" I've set my sights on being a distinguished author. My desire has forever been to become an author who not only writes to unleash the words in my mind and my soul but one who may also touch the heart of my readers, making a positive impact on their lives. 30 years is a long time to have a calling that is longed for with an intensity bordering on obsession, only to hold back because the negative voice is drowning out the confidence needed to pursue the dream. The voice persistently tells me in no uncertain terms that I will never make it, no one wants to hear my words and I will never get paid for my hours of sweat, blood and tears.
So how will my writer's soul figure out the question that is begging for an answer. It is not simple but it simply must be done. Cut out the negativity from inside my head by focusing on the positives in my life each night before bed and setting attainable goals to accomplish the next day. Next, cut the negativity from outside sources and surround myself with loving, positive people who believe in my dream as much as I do. Finally, stop thinking and just write, write, write.
Simply inspiring and I cannot wait for a book written by you!
ReplyDeletethank you Nancy!! You made my day a little brighter :)
ReplyDeleteI love it. It is helpful to many people who have the same drive as you do. Fallowing what you love is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteYou sum everything up nicely in your last paragraph Kyrie. It takes practice to push the negative things out of your mind. Whenever I find myself thinking negative things, I stop and redirect my thinking to try and see what is positive about whatever it is I was dissing in my mind or I change the subject to something I love! That's the beauty of your thoughts - only you can choose what to think about! Getting people out of your life that say the horrible things that have been said to you is paramount! Get rid of 'em! Finally, write what you know about. Your blog is a perfect example of that - you are writing about your known fears and doubts and through that process you have answered your own questions as to how to deal with these. Of course, it will take hard work to keep things on the positive side. Even in the worst of situations, there is a positive side - eventually. It is never ending and does not happen overnight. Keep up the good work and I enjoy reading your words! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you cousin. Your words are very encouraging n appreciated!!!! I am cutting out negative ppl and thoughts although it isn't an easy process.
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