JUST LET IT BE

Why do we constantly try to force events to bend to our will? I am finding it is better, for the sake of happiness and SANITY, to just let it be. Work as hard as you can for what you want, but then let the chips fall where they may. If a person is constantly fighting to achieve the impossible they cannot fully enjoy today, enjoy the here and now. Trying to change your fate forces you to live in the future, constantly worrying about when your life's direction is going to veer off to another place. This is no way to live, no way to experience the sheer joy of breathing and laughing and loving.

After a couple of months of working to begin a new career path, I have come to one simple conclusion; I am going to end up exactly where I belong. Yes, there is a specific job I would love to acquire. But if that does not happen, then I stay where I am and continue as I've been living. And is there anything wrong with where I am? NO! My life is pretty good and although I know I don't wish it to remain stagnant, I have to stop forcing the issue.

When I begin stressing about events not coming along as fast as I desire, I simply take out my notebook and write. Losing myself in my greatest passion cements me in the present, without the need to stress or think about "what might be". Stress and worry robs us of the beauty and majesty that is life. Right now I am only concentrating on my "sphere of influence". Those events in my life that I have complete control over. All the other, such as a  new job, a book deal, or moving away from home, will happen at that exact moment that they are supposed to happen. And not a moment before.

Positive Attitude

"What you think about, you bring about," is my new favorite saying. When I started my Arbonne business I watched many amazing women share their stories. My favorite was Valerie Guenter and she helped inspire me to begin my very own business. Every day it is so easy to get caught up in the "oh woe is me, poor me, my life is so hard". Being a positive, optimistic person takes time, work and determination.

Now that I have specific goals in mind (that Caribbean Cruise on the Royal Caribbean line, Tiffany jewelry, paying off school loans, getting a white Mercedes at no cost to me, completing my next novel, and finishing college) it is easy to be positive. What I think about I will bring about. So I know that I will win those incentives, I will earn enough money to stay home and write, yet still pay off my loans quickly. I am determined to climb to the top of the Arbonne ladder, and with optimism in my mind, I know it is within my reach.

I recently wrote a story about "My Bully", that evil bitch inside my head telling me these things are not possible. But with a firm determination I push her away and tell her "No". I won't listen to her anymore, I won't deny myself all that this world has to offer because of self-doubt. There is too much I want and I have waited too long already. That obsession with past mistakes, hang-ups, and fears no longer rule me.

I think I can be an author, I think I can earn that million dollar paycheck, and I think I can help others do the same. I'm thinking it, so I will bring it. A positive attitude changes everything.

A story to write

I sit here at my computer, hands poised above the keys. An assignment for Eng 514 is due in a couple of days. My hands just hover, my mind races, blood pumps strongly through my veins-pushed by my pounding heart. Fear is keeping me from my dream yet again.

The desire to write is deeply impeded in my psyche but the little voice telling me "You will never make it, you don't know what you're doing, no one will like your work" has me too afraid to write. I can put down the words when the assignment is research based. But this assignment is a 1,200 word fictional short story. The only specifications is that it revolves around Scene. The setting of the story is the main focus.

The best way to silence the little voice is to put on music that is soothing, Christian radio or Bach or Mozart, and just START WRITING THE DAMN STORY. Knowing what to do and actually doing it though are very different, aren't they? For my class we just read a novella by Henry James. In it the protagonist waited until too much time had passed by in order to realize how he should have lived his life. Did my teacher know I needed this message? Was it fate that I had to read it and see that I cannot let my dreams die?

There are two paths to take. One, never write a thing. Pick a different path and stop dreaming of writing great stories. Teach and do nothing else for the rest of my life. Because if I don't try I will not fail. I will not know if people hate my work because I never put it out there. Two, write and write and write. Do not give up. Write story after story and manuscript after manuscript. Enter writing contests, contact agents. NEVER GIVE UP. Then I will let go of fear of the unknown. Because either way, be my writing prove a success or failure, I will finally have the answer.

The most important questions to ask myself are these. Will path one or two give me the greatest satisfaction at the end of my life? Will I be able to say I followed my heart and made the most of my life?  Or will I say that I failed myself because I didn't try?

Well, I am tired of living in fear............please excuse me now. I have a story to write :)

Fear and Doubt

The fingers of fear and doubt tickle your brain and tie knots in your guts. Do you fight through it or do you wallow in the pain and confusion they are creating?

As a child I was told "you can be anything you want to be". And I believed it. As an adult, however, I have been hit with a plethora of not quite so positive statements. "You're pathetic, lazy, selfish, not very bright. You waddle because of your weight gain, the pity party's getting old, everything is your fault. Your kids are not the sharpest knives in the drawer are they? Your feelings are not important." Since these statements seem to be coming at me at an increasing rate any residual confidence I once possessed, left over from that optimistic child I use to be, is diminished to the point of becoming nonexistant.

Fighting through the haze of self-doubt, self-depreciation, and a chemical imbalance strong enough to render me catatonic for weeks on end, can be a full-time (though nonpaying) job. Since I was first given the option to "be anything I want" I've set my sights on being a distinguished author. My desire has forever been to become an author who not only writes to unleash the words in my mind and my soul but one who may also touch the heart of my readers, making a positive impact on their lives. 30 years is a long time to have a calling that is longed for with an intensity bordering on obsession, only to hold back because the negative voice is drowning out the confidence needed to pursue the dream. The voice persistently tells me in no uncertain terms that I will never make it, no one wants to hear my words and I will never get paid for my hours of sweat, blood and tears.

So how will my writer's soul figure out the question that is begging for an answer. It is not simple but it simply must be done. Cut out the negativity from inside my head by focusing on the positives in my life each night before bed and setting attainable goals to accomplish the next day. Next, cut the negativity from outside sources and surround myself with loving, positive people who believe in my dream as much as I do. Finally, stop thinking and just write, write, write.