I find I am most productive when I stay busy and focused. My goals to be successful, in-shape, and a published author keep me motivated. Since I just moved my youngest child out of the home, I set up a home office/gym.

The biggest changes are that I am now a Beachbody Coach and jewelry designer.

For myself, I use the new 22 Minute Hard Corps videos with Tony Horton and actual armed forces veterans. In Texas, I used P90X (the original) and Insanity to drop 30 pounds in 3 months. I will write a post that details my weight loss/gain experiences over the last 20 years. It has been an uphill battle to keep weight off. I want to inspire others to realize their fitness goals.

This crazy ride called life is exciting and wonderful. My manuscript is nearing the final stages, ready to send to beta readers. I have enough jewelry to do a small exhibit. English courses are set to begin Aug 22nd and Sept 1st.

Tight deadlines and daily time management planning ensure each of my passions get the attention they deserve. Stay tuned for more details............................

Leap of Faith

We never know where our life is going to lead us. Choices we made 1, 5, 10 years ago affect what we are doing today. I have a five year plan for myself, but no specific career goal in mind. I believe right now, at this time in my life, that I am going to end up exactly where I belong. Is it a writer? A teacher? A copywriter/editor? Sweeping floors at a college or screenwriting my #1 bestseller into a movie? Who knows. All I know is I plan to be success and exceedingly happy wherever I go. And, thanks to Polyvore, I have the outfits prepared that will take me anywhere. Follow me there too, it's always fun and good times.

Remember, don't sweat the small stuff or stress over that which you cannot change. To do so diminishes the here and now. Always live in the moment and enjoy this roller coaster called life. Growing older isn't a smooth ride, but it is a ride not afforded to all. Spend time every day to meditate and be thankful for all that has happened.

Go where the opportunities are, for you never know what awaits you "over there".

Something New

In an effort for my family to truly know each other I put 200+ conversation starters into a jar today. Tonight my husband, son and daughter sat around the kitchen table and answered several questions. Before everyone ran off to do their own thing, a normal occurrence in a household with a fireman and two teenagers, we laughed and talked. I've found that as the kids are getting older it is harder to find the time to sit and eat dinner as a family. When they were young we did it every night. NO watching TV in while we ate, or taking our plate to separate rooms to "hang out". We sat together and talked about our day, or got a little loud and crazy telling stories. I miss those times. So I started the "Family Dinner Questions" jar. It may take some getting use to, especially for my 18 year old son who tends to keep everything inside. But I think this is going to be an exercise that makes a close family even closer. Just because four people live in the same home does NOT mean that they truly know each other. This should help to change all that.

Here is a sample of the types of questions we have to answer: 

Can someone be “educated” if they never went to college ? Explain.

Robert Frost wrote “Freedom lies in being bold,”. Tell about a time you had to be bold.

Talk about the most difficult transition that you have ever experienced.

 

 

 

 

By trying this exercise my family and I are not only divulging our ideals to each other, we have to do so to ourselves. Sometimes it takes a deep question, or two, to get a person thinking about who they are and what they want in life. Some of the questions ask us to list what we like most about ourselves, or what we like least. The answers one chooses can reveal a lot.

I cannot wait for dinner tomorrow :)

JUST LET IT BE

Why do we constantly try to force events to bend to our will? I am finding it is better, for the sake of happiness and SANITY, to just let it be. Work as hard as you can for what you want, but then let the chips fall where they may. If a person is constantly fighting to achieve the impossible they cannot fully enjoy today, enjoy the here and now. Trying to change your fate forces you to live in the future, constantly worrying about when your life's direction is going to veer off to another place. This is no way to live, no way to experience the sheer joy of breathing and laughing and loving.

After a couple of months of working to begin a new career path, I have come to one simple conclusion; I am going to end up exactly where I belong. Yes, there is a specific job I would love to acquire. But if that does not happen, then I stay where I am and continue as I've been living. And is there anything wrong with where I am? NO! My life is pretty good and although I know I don't wish it to remain stagnant, I have to stop forcing the issue.

When I begin stressing about events not coming along as fast as I desire, I simply take out my notebook and write. Losing myself in my greatest passion cements me in the present, without the need to stress or think about "what might be". Stress and worry robs us of the beauty and majesty that is life. Right now I am only concentrating on my "sphere of influence". Those events in my life that I have complete control over. All the other, such as a  new job, a book deal, or moving away from home, will happen at that exact moment that they are supposed to happen. And not a moment before.

Positive Attitude

"What you think about, you bring about," is my new favorite saying. When I started my Arbonne business I watched many amazing women share their stories. My favorite was Valerie Guenter and she helped inspire me to begin my very own business. Every day it is so easy to get caught up in the "oh woe is me, poor me, my life is so hard". Being a positive, optimistic person takes time, work and determination.

Now that I have specific goals in mind (that Caribbean Cruise on the Royal Caribbean line, Tiffany jewelry, paying off school loans, getting a white Mercedes at no cost to me, completing my next novel, and finishing college) it is easy to be positive. What I think about I will bring about. So I know that I will win those incentives, I will earn enough money to stay home and write, yet still pay off my loans quickly. I am determined to climb to the top of the Arbonne ladder, and with optimism in my mind, I know it is within my reach.

I recently wrote a story about "My Bully", that evil bitch inside my head telling me these things are not possible. But with a firm determination I push her away and tell her "No". I won't listen to her anymore, I won't deny myself all that this world has to offer because of self-doubt. There is too much I want and I have waited too long already. That obsession with past mistakes, hang-ups, and fears no longer rule me.

I think I can be an author, I think I can earn that million dollar paycheck, and I think I can help others do the same. I'm thinking it, so I will bring it. A positive attitude changes everything.

A story to write

I sit here at my computer, hands poised above the keys. An assignment for Eng 514 is due in a couple of days. My hands just hover, my mind races, blood pumps strongly through my veins-pushed by my pounding heart. Fear is keeping me from my dream yet again.

The desire to write is deeply impeded in my psyche but the little voice telling me "You will never make it, you don't know what you're doing, no one will like your work" has me too afraid to write. I can put down the words when the assignment is research based. But this assignment is a 1,200 word fictional short story. The only specifications is that it revolves around Scene. The setting of the story is the main focus.

The best way to silence the little voice is to put on music that is soothing, Christian radio or Bach or Mozart, and just START WRITING THE DAMN STORY. Knowing what to do and actually doing it though are very different, aren't they? For my class we just read a novella by Henry James. In it the protagonist waited until too much time had passed by in order to realize how he should have lived his life. Did my teacher know I needed this message? Was it fate that I had to read it and see that I cannot let my dreams die?

There are two paths to take. One, never write a thing. Pick a different path and stop dreaming of writing great stories. Teach and do nothing else for the rest of my life. Because if I don't try I will not fail. I will not know if people hate my work because I never put it out there. Two, write and write and write. Do not give up. Write story after story and manuscript after manuscript. Enter writing contests, contact agents. NEVER GIVE UP. Then I will let go of fear of the unknown. Because either way, be my writing prove a success or failure, I will finally have the answer.

The most important questions to ask myself are these. Will path one or two give me the greatest satisfaction at the end of my life? Will I be able to say I followed my heart and made the most of my life?  Or will I say that I failed myself because I didn't try?

Well, I am tired of living in fear............please excuse me now. I have a story to write :)

Fear and Doubt

The fingers of fear and doubt tickle your brain and tie knots in your guts. Do you fight through it or do you wallow in the pain and confusion they are creating?

As a child I was told "you can be anything you want to be". And I believed it. As an adult, however, I have been hit with a plethora of not quite so positive statements. "You're pathetic, lazy, selfish, not very bright. You waddle because of your weight gain, the pity party's getting old, everything is your fault. Your kids are not the sharpest knives in the drawer are they? Your feelings are not important." Since these statements seem to be coming at me at an increasing rate any residual confidence I once possessed, left over from that optimistic child I use to be, is diminished to the point of becoming nonexistant.

Fighting through the haze of self-doubt, self-depreciation, and a chemical imbalance strong enough to render me catatonic for weeks on end, can be a full-time (though nonpaying) job. Since I was first given the option to "be anything I want" I've set my sights on being a distinguished author. My desire has forever been to become an author who not only writes to unleash the words in my mind and my soul but one who may also touch the heart of my readers, making a positive impact on their lives. 30 years is a long time to have a calling that is longed for with an intensity bordering on obsession, only to hold back because the negative voice is drowning out the confidence needed to pursue the dream. The voice persistently tells me in no uncertain terms that I will never make it, no one wants to hear my words and I will never get paid for my hours of sweat, blood and tears.

So how will my writer's soul figure out the question that is begging for an answer. It is not simple but it simply must be done. Cut out the negativity from inside my head by focusing on the positives in my life each night before bed and setting attainable goals to accomplish the next day. Next, cut the negativity from outside sources and surround myself with loving, positive people who believe in my dream as much as I do. Finally, stop thinking and just write, write, write.

Taking the Leap

Taking the Leap

I am currently in the enrollment process in the Master's Degree program for English and Creative Writing at Southern New Hampshire University. It is an 18 month, 36 unit, intense program. In addition I am raising three kids, all who still live at home and constantly want my attention, ask for money and request gourmet meals 3 times a day. For a paycheck I am a substitute teacher for K-12th grades. To feed my writer's soul I have a finished manuscript I am currently editing and two other ideas I am nurturing into future manuscripts.

From 2010-2012 I went to Brandman University and earned a Bachelor's Degree with a major in Liberal Studies and a minor in Psychology. From 2012-2013 I attended classes working on my teaching credentials. However, after much soul searching I realized that this was not the path I most desired. So I enrolled in SNHU and began working again on my writing. A masters will allow me to teach at the college level and improve my writing.

I strive for perfection in all that I do, which has caused me to fail a time or two. I am learning that life is not about perfection; it is about trying my best, being happy with what I have and following my dreams. There are days when fear and clinical depression try to drag me into bed with the covers over my head and the blinds shut tight. However, I am working hard to stay up and stay positive; for my husband, my kids, and myself.

This blog is where I will share my journey. Follow with me as I labor to keep my sanity in the moments that:

• I have assignments in the two Masters courses I am enrolled in.
• My three kids are behaving in a most demanding and difficult manner.
• I have chapters of a book to write to completion and
• I am called in to teach all ages of children.